468. Robert Southey to Grosvenor Charles Bedford, 25 December 1799 ⁠* 

Gatholonabes – Aladeules – Aloadin – [1] 

By what ειλετο. γευτο – οτπερ. [2]  Pipin – pedigree – can you identify those names for those three are one? – but thank you for the extract. [3]  there is a lie or two in Sir John Maundeville – & this is one of the best. do you know that the Old Man of the Mountain [4]  is nothing more than old Gatholonabes, tamed down to suit the decent lies of history? I am now ranging “in that goodlie Paradise – so do not wonder at my head running upon the subject.

Grosvenor I think seriously of going abroad. my complaint, so am I told by the opinion of many medical men is wholly a diseased sensibility – (mind you – physical sensibility –) disordering the functions now of the heart – now of the intestines – & gradually debilitating me. climate is the obvious remedy. in my present state to attempt to undergo the confinement of legal application were actual suicide. I am anxious to be well – & to attempt the profession. much in it I never shall do – sometimes my principles will stand in my way – sometimes the want of readiness which I felt from the first – a want which I always know in company, & never in solitude & silence. howbeit I will make the attempt – but mark you, if by stage writing, or any other writing, I can acquire independance, I will not make the sacrifice of happiness it will inevitably cost me. I love the country – I love study – devotedly I love it. but in legal studies it is only the subtitly of the mind that is exercised – however I need not philippicize – & it is too late to veer about. in 96 I might have chosen physic & succeeded in it – I caught at the first plank – & mist the great mast in my reach. perhaps I may enable myself to swim by & by. Grosvenor I have nothing of what the world call ambition. I never thought it possible that I could be a great Lawyer – I should as soon expect to be the Man in the Moon. my views were bounded – my hopes – to an income of 500 a year, of which I could lay by half to effect my escape with. possibly the stage may exceed this, & that at an expence of time on my part allowing three parts of the year to other labours. I am not indolent – I loathe indolence. but indeed reading law is laborious indolence. it is thrashing straw. I have read & read & read – but the Devil a bit can I remember. I have given all possible attention & attempted to command volition – no! the eye read – the lips pronounced – I understood – I re read it – it is was very clear – I remembered the page – the sentence – but close the book – & all was gone! Were I an independant man – even on less than I now possess. I should long since have made the blessed bonfire & rejoiced that I was free & contented. I need not tell you this is only for your own eye.

I suffer a good deal from illness. & in a way hardly understandable by those in health. I start from sleep as if death had seizd me – I am sensible of every pulsation – & compelld to attend to the motion of my heart, till that attention disturbs it, the pain in my side is I think lessened – nor do I at all think it was consumption. organic affection it could not have been – else it had been constant – & a heart disease would not have been perceived there. I must go abroad, & recruit under better skies. not to Lisbon. I will see something new – & something better than Portugueze. Ask Duppa about Italy – about Trieste – & the way thro Vienna – & say something to him on my part expressive of respect – of a wish one day to see more of him.

But of these plans you shall know more when they are more moulded into form. in the meantime I must raise the supplies – & for this purpose there is Thalaba. my expedition will not be a ruinous one, & it shall be as oeconomical as it ought. I will at least xxx xxxx return w[MS torn] not better. Italy will be safe if Austria have sense enou[MS torn] an event of which I entertain little doubt. even if the war i[MS torn] is always easy into Germany, – or Sicily is accessible. [MS torn] is the way – to be obliged to cross to Hamburgh instead [MS torn] man for subject to sea-sickness! Zounds – it is a be[MS torn] peace than they had to go to war.

But now for more immediate affairs – the Antholo[MS torn] [5]  send me something. Oh for another Parody such as th[MS torn] a Ballad good as the Circular Old Woman [6]  – who ten[MS torn] I remember her. There is a poem called Gebir [7]  [MS torn] God knows who – sold for a shilling. it has mira[MS torn] And the Bishop of St Giles’s said the best Poems in the Anthology were by Mrs Opie [8]  & George Dyer! [9]  & he writes reviews! – I expect to see my brother Harry tomorrow – after 20 months absence. he is now sixteen, & promises much. If I go abroad I shall make every effort to take him with me. Tom is cruising – & I think likely to rise in his profession. & my nose has set up a manufactory of mucous, after having made water for three days incessantly. – x xxxx can xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

Direct Kingsdown. Bristol.

yrs ever & the same –

Robert Southey.

Saturday night 25 Dec. 99.

N.B. Cursed Cold Weather!